Monday, September 19, 2005

10 Reasons Why I Am A Calvinist

(I have found this light-hearted tongue-in-cheek article while surfing the Internet)
  1. Calvinists tend to wear wool and cotton. Dispensationalists tend to wear lime-green polyester leisure suits.
  2. John Calvin was French...being French is very chic.
  3. Calvin sounds like Calvin Klein...and his clothes are very chic.
  4. Calvinists can drink.
  5. Calvinists can smoke.
  6. Dispensationalists are into prophecy conferences where they talk about Star-Trek eschatology and the mark of the Beast. Calvinists have conferences on "life and culture", art, social justice, and other high- brow things like that. Afterwards, we go to the local pub and talk about philosophy over a pint of Bass ale.
  7. Calvinists have close ties with Scotland and Scotland is very cool: you know --Sean Connery, the movie Highlander, Bagpipes, the Loch Ness Monster, Glenlivet 18 year old Scotch, the movie Train Spotting, Brave Heart, etc.
  8. Calvinists think we are smarter than anybody else.
  9. It is more socially acceptable to say, "I go to Grace Presbyterian Church" than to say, "I go to Washed In The Blood Worship Center", "I go to Sonlife Charismatic Believers Assembly", or to say "I go to Boston Berean Bible Believing Baptist Bethel", or to say "I go to the Latter-Day- Rain Deliverance Tabernacle Prophecy Center, Inc.", or to say "I go to the Philadelphia Church of the Majority Text", or to say "I go to the Lithuanian Apostolic Orthodox Autocephalic Church of the Baltic union of 1838".
  10. Ultimately, I am a Calvinist because I had no choice in the matter.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha! the last one really cracked me up...

19/9/05 11:33 PM  
Blogger naniecheng said...

very clever indeed ...haha...

20/9/05 9:16 AM  
Blogger pilgrim said...

"Ultimately, I am a Calvinist because I had no choice in the matter."

And neither did the Arminians!
(sort of)

19/10/05 8:43 AM  
Anonymous mejor sexshop said...

This will not truly have success, I consider so.

27/9/11 4:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Calvinists are CHOOSING to be WRONG & DECEIVED!!! Ergo, FREE WILL!! The sooner they understand that, the sooner they can CHOOSE to SERVE JESUS, And NOT CALViN!!! Calvinism does NOT even teach how to be BIBLICALLY "BORN AGAIN"!!!!! Calvinism doesn't teach the NEED ALL Humans have of REPENTing, as the BIBLE instructs, in order to be 'BORN AGAIN', but instead teaches their DECEIVED followers ('GOATs') that GOD MADE them 'born again' in the WOMB, making GOD a LIAR and a DAMNing '''RESPECTER of PERSONs'''
And Joshua 24:15 says "CHOOSE ye this day whom ye will serve..."
Sure doesN'T sound like PREdestination!!!! ----
Calvinists, will you CHOOSE to Believe the BIBLE OR WILL you CHOOSE to BELIEVE CALViN?!?!?

19/8/13 5:28 PM  

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